My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
