honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
