he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
