id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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