would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
