she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
