THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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