Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
