At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
