If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize