best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drunk is not a location!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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