i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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