Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
