So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
