i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My feet surprised me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
