Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
