only if we run a train.
done.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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