omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
