I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
