I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize