I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We left the knife in your bed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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