hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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