yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
