Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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