why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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