So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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