dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
