Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize