I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
