I just pynch a tree in the face
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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