How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
