everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
