Porn is love you can see.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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