no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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