Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
