If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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