I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
