She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
