how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
