DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
