I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
