hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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