Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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