big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize