There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
