wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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