my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
