You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
