I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
