You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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