look no pants
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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