Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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