do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
