My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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