Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
