he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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