i permit you to call me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
