Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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