Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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