dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He felt like a one man threesome
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
