Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Randomize
