A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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