i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
