My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
