I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
