where am i from again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
