Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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