Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
