oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
