Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
