She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
