I'm so fucking centered right now
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I smell stomach acid.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
