I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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