I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize