4 words: hood of his car
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
