I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize