I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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