Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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