She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
