Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
