I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
