Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
