Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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