I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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