Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
