she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
