whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize