He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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