girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize