I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
