I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
