i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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