Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
