So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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