he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
