I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
