You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
