I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
