so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
