Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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